How To TRULY Fall In Love with Yourself
Building a healthy relationship with others starts with building a healthy relationship with yourself. While we often hear about the importance of self-love, finding practical guidance on how to actually cultivate it can be challenging. As a pre-qualified psychologist, I want to share a comprehensive, step-by-step guide on how to begin and succeed in your self-love journey.
Understanding Self-Love
But what does self-love actually means? Self-love isn't about narcissism or being full of yourself. Instead, it's about valuing, appreciating, and caring for yourself in a way that promotes your well-being and personal growth.
Having a compassionate relationship with yourself allows you to recognize your worth, treat yourself with kindness and respect, set healthy boundaries, and make choices that align with your values and happiness.
Importantly, true self-love isn't dependent on external factors, such as receiving a promotion or completing your to-do list. It persists even when you face setbacks or when things don't go as planned. Just as love in any relationship changes and evolves, your relationship with yourself will transform as you grow and develop throughout your life.
Seven Steps to Cultivating Self-Love
1. Develop Self-Awareness
The foundation of self-love is getting to know yourself at a deep level. Think about:
What are your strengths and weakness?
What are your core personality traits? How have you developed them?
How do you think have your childhood experiences shaped you?
Who are you when you are on your own? And how is that version of you different compared to when you are at work, or with your your friends?
What are your goals, passions and fears?
What is the truest, most authentic version of yourself?
This deep self-knowledge is crucial because you need to understand yourself completely to appreciate every aspect of who you are.
2. Spend Quality Time with Yourself
Just as you would nurture a relationship by spending time together, you need to invest time in your relationship with yourself. If you are new to solo dating, you can start by spending time with yourself at home. However, ideally, at some point, you should get out of the house and go on actual dates with yourself. Visit a cinema, restaurant, or park—and importantly, engage in these activities as you would on a date with someone else (yes, that means no phone!).
While this might feel uncomfortable at first, it builds confidence and reinforces that you can enjoy life independently. It also helps you discover your authentic preferences when not influenced by others. For example, do you actually enjoy drinking, or do you order alcohol only when you are with others due to social pressure?
3. Practice Self-Care and Self-Appreciation
Think about how you treat people you love—now extend that same care to yourself. This includes:
Buying yourself thoughtful gifts
"Parenting" yourself - i.e. treating yourself like a parent would treat their child: make sure you drink enough water, that you drink and sleep well, that you get enough fresh air.
Establish healthy morning and evening routines
Accepting compliments rather than deflecting them
Protecting your energy by distancing yourself from toxic relationships
Surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting people
4. Build Trust with Yourself
Trust forms the foundation of every relationship, including the one with yourself. Build self-trust by:
Doing what you say you will do - for example, if you say that you are going to the gym and then you don’t go because you are too tired, you are breaking your own trust. Even if it’s for a short, 10 minutes workout follow through the commitment you have made to yourself.
Setting small, achievable goals to make sure you can follow through with them
Taking consistent actions that align with your values. If you value your health, you shouldn’t eat junk food, stay out late every weekend, and drink alcohol!
When you consistently honor your commitments to yourself, you develop the confidence needed to pursue larger goals and dreams.
5. Practice Self-Love Through Challenges
You wouldn’t stop loving someone after a small mistake. True self-love means accepting yourself even during difficult times. It is very important to show yourself compassion during setbacks. If you make minor mistakes, avoid being too harsh on yourself. Equally, try to forgive yourself for you past mistakes and have trust that you will be able to do better in the future. However, being compassionate towards yourself also means taking accountability and responsibility for your live and walking away from situations that don’t serve you.
Finally stop comparing yourself to others - if you find yourself being jealous of someone, try to turn that envy into inspiration to find what you truly want from life.
6. Invest in Personal Growth
The most beautiful part of any relationship is growing together—and the same is true for your relationship with yourself. Commit to your personal development by:
Investing in learning and self-improvement
Seeking new experiences
Working toward meaningful goals
Celebrating your achievements
Following inspiring content and people
Making small improvements daily
7. Choose Yourself Every Day
Make choices that align with your happiness and values. This will make sure that you will remain the most authentic version of yourself. Think about whether your actions match your priorities, and make decisions that support your wellbeing. Choose to love yourself everyday even, and especially, when you don’t feel your best.
Practical Tools for Your Self-Love Journey
To support your self-love practice, consider incorporating these tools:
Journaling: Use prompts to enhance self-awareness and track your journey
Meditation: Develop mindfulness and better understand your thoughts and behaviors
Positive Affirmations: Leave encouraging notes around your home or practice weekly mantras
Solo Dates: Challenge yourself to do activities you enjoy independently
Gratitude Practice: Regularly acknowledge the good in your life and your accomplishments
Therapy: If accessible, work with a professional to deepen your self-understanding and growth
Remember: It's a Journey
Self-love isn't a destination—it's an ongoing journey that evolves as you do. There's no "arrival point," but rather a continuous process of growth, acceptance, and appreciation. Start small, be patient with yourself, and remember that every step forward, no matter how tiny, is progress toward a healthier relationship with yourself.
By implementing these practices consistently, you'll develop a stronger foundation of self-love that will enhance not only your relationship with yourself but also your connections with others. After all, the love you give yourself sets the standard for the love you accept from others.