Why Your 20s Matter and How Not to Waste Them
Many people say things like "30s are the new 20s" and “you still have a lot of time, so just enjoy your 20s and quit worrying. This couldn't be further from the truth. Research shows that 80% of life's most defining moments happen before the age of 35. This means that right now, you're literally writing the script for your future life.
After reading Me Jay’s life changing book “The Defining Decade”, I became more aware of the significant impact the choices we make in our 20s have on our career, health and relationships.
In this article, I will explore the key pillars of Meg Jay’s book as well as giving my own insights as a psychologist, to try to convince you that your 20s matter and to start acting like it.
Health
As Maslow's hierarchy of needs teaches us, our physiological needs (our health) are literally the foundation of our lives. Without good health, we won’t be able to function in our day-to-day, let alone achieving our goals.
Despite this, many people in their 20s (or, as Meg Jay calls us, twenty-somethings) don't take their health seriously, probably because we see things like illness and death as far away from us. What many don't realise is that metabolism slowdown, muscle mass reduction, and decreased skin elasticity all begin in our 20s.
According to Meg Jay, twenty-somethings often suffer from "present bias", prioritising immediate gratification over long-term well-being. They might neglect sleep, nutrition, and exercise because they don't see immediate negative effects. However, the habits that we implement now, both positive and negative, will compound over time.
Here's the crucial part: our brain is still developing in your 20s, meaning the habits we form now will likely stay with us for our entire life. This is excellent news for positive habits but concerning for negative ones.
Also, we need to consider the strong link that exist between psychical and mental health. Poor sleep, junk food, and lack of exercise have been linked with increased anxiety, depression, and stress. Poor self-care also correlates with burnout. We need to start taking care of both pour physical and mental health, otherwise we might see negative consequences sooner than we expect.
Action points for better health:
When it comes to exercise, focus on consistency rather than perfection. Your energy won't be the same every day, but you can incorporate some form of exercise daily, even if it's just a 10-minute stretch or a short walk.
Treat sleep like an investment. Sleeping 5 hours is not cool anymore (if it ever has been) - it's harmful. Aim for 7-8 hours every night as a non-negotiable priority.
Introduce activities that support not only your physical, but also your mental wellbeing, such as meditation, journaling, or therapy if accessible.
The habits you form now will accompany you throughout your life. Choose wisely.
career
According to Meg Jay, your 20s are the most critical time in your career development. Yet many treat this decade as an extension of adolescence, assuming they have plenty of time to figure things out later.
Many twenty-somethings find themselves in dead-end jobs with no career prospects, waiting to "find their passion" before taking action. However, Meg Jay says, it's experience - not time - that creates clarity. If you're uncertain about your career path (which is perfectly normal in your 20s), you need to try different things to discover what works for you. Avoiding career decisions now makes it harder to build skills and credibility later. If you drift through your 20s, you might reach your 30s with limited skills, connections, and career momentum. Don't wait to find your passion - start somewhere, and clarity will follow.
I can personally relate to this. Having worked early in my career, I gained valuable insights into what I liked and disliked, helping me understand what I actually wanted from lide. If you delay working until your late 20s or early 30s, you may discover your chosen career isn't your true passion only after investing years in it.
While it is perfectly okay to change careers later in life is increasingly, it's undeniably more challenging. Your 30s typically come with greater responsibilities - possibly children, mortgages, aging parents - which can make career transitions more complex.
Action points for career development:
Stop waiting for clarity - take action. Any action, even in roles that aren't perfect fits, helps you understand what you like and dislike, bringing clarity about your future path.
Network strategically. Join relevant Facebook groups, connect on LinkedIn, and look for job opportunities through acquaintances. Don't limit yourself to your immediate friend circle.
Build your skill set. Ensure you're constantly gaining experience and invest in courses that enhance your capabilities. Request to your workplace to finance your personal development. If they say no, it may be time to move on.
Treat your 20s as an investment and as a time to gain as many skills as possible, not a waiting period.
relationships
While we're focusing primarily on romantic relationships here, Meg Jay notes that many twenty-somethings assume they should "have fun" and figure out love later. Research, however, shows that your 20s establish the foundation for long-term romantic happiness.
If you frequently find yourself in situationships rather than committed relationships, consider what changes you might need to make. To develop as a romantic partner and understand what you want, you need actual relationship experience. This doesn't mean you need to find your "forever person" immediately - even unsuccessful relationships teach valuable lessons about yourself, your attachment style, and your desires.
In addition, situationships and mediocre relationships can drain your confidence and delay personal growth. If a relationship isn't helping you grow, it's holding you back. Remember: high-value people attract high-value partners. If you aspire to be high-value, ensure your relationships reflect this standard.
Remember that who your marry is going to impact every aspect of your life - happiness, finances, parenting, and health; and research indicates that the person we are with in our late 20s is likely the person we'll marry. Choose your partners wisely, viewing them as potential long-term rather than short-term companions.
Action points for healthier relationships:
Don't waste time in relationships going nowhere. Trust your instincts - if something feels wrong, it probably is.
Be intentional about dating. Your future family begins with whom you're dating now.
Learn from every relationship, even unsuccessful ones.
Make conscious choices about significant steps like moving in together, getting married, or having children.
Remember: love should help you grow, not hold you back.
Final Thoughts
Your 20s aren't about "finding yourself" - they're about building yourself. The choices you make now in health, work, and relationships will compound over time, shaping your future in profound ways.
Don't drift through this crucial decade thinking you'll figure everything out later. Be intentional, make conscious choices, and invest in building the life you want. Your future self will thank you.